How many times have you laid awake at night, tossing and turning, the illusion of sleep being chased deeper and deeper into the night? You lie there, the body fragile with exhaustion, seemingly at the tipping point of sanity. The mind races constantly, no time for idle thought, everything and anything consumes it. Matters so trivial and seemingly irrelevant become so defining, real and uncontrolable that they destroy any glimmer of hope that the exhausted body longs for.
I on many an occasion have found myself here. It's a familiar place, all too real. The feelings, emotions and frustrations were all commonplace for me. Endless nights were spent, some until the sun would rise, contemplating matters of such little and inconsequential importance to my path, that I found myself longing for some form, hell for any form of salvation.
Now every person has some valid method of combatting sleep deprivation, some bear far more weight than others. But here I really want to examine further the concept that I found myself in. I had always believed that this demonic night time curse was the reason for ailment. I'm some cases, sure it was, but this isn't what I am trying to get at. I'm really thinking along the lines of this;
Imagine night time was day, sleep was your waking life. Now how do the tables turn? Imagine we needed no sleep, yet we still deprived our mind and body of the rest it needs. Rest from EVERYTHING. Peace, tranquility, silence, call it what you want. I'm really talking about waking life. Living in the present, free from endless noise, being able to take the noise in everyday life and shut it out. Life inside the mind is not life at all. It is constraining, echoed by the long sleepless nights,
The ability to view the mind as a separate being for the body is truly awakening. We are not just what is in our head. That is not me. It is not who I am nor will it ever be. It simply is discursive, draining and dangerous. My mind is powerful, but it is not everything. It merely is a small part of the person that walks the street today, a tiny part.
Turning off the mental drain is an ability that I treasure. It makes me who I am.
I am still at the very beginning of my journey, yet I find myself so awake. In this state of being awake, I can sleep. Whether this be late at night or during the day, I can sleep. Not close my eyes, dream and wake, but just sleep.